Your love underrated: for MOM

when i was a kid, i saw my mom as a school principal with many rules.. don't do this, don't do that, fix your bed, clean this up, blah blah blah. but growing up, i realized, she just love us enough to make an orderly, peaceful, safe home. 

every morning she will wake up early and will prepare breakfast for us, pero dahil ang bagal namin kumilos, hindi na namin nakakain ang mga hinahanda nya. minsan gumagawa pa sya ng pizza para ganahan kami kumain, pero ganun pa din naiiwan namin ng walang bawas. but even though we were doing it every morning, she will still prepare for breakfast for the next morning, and the next and the next. looking back-- i saw how painful it is.

when i was a kid i never realized the things she has given up just to give us her life. Minsan nasabi nya, "nawawala na mga vocabularies ko", hindi na kasi ako nakapagtrabaho din, hindi na nag expand ang career ko". That time, being a little girl, i thought, "siguro, un kasi pinili nya". When i was in medschool, i once told her na, "pag ako nagkabahay and pamilya, i would do this and that, just like you". but then she told me, "hindi ka magiging gaya ko, Doctora ka na nun. hindi mo sasayangin pinagaralan mo." Then i realized, she had given up her career being the best, most recommended nurse abroad just to take care of us. She had sacrificed her promising life and bountiful career for the three of us. looking at myself now, hindi ko alam, at hindi ako sigurado kung kayo kong gawin ang nagawa nya. Parang iniisip ko palang, ang hirap na ibigay ang mga narating mo. Ang dami ko pang pangarap, i still have dozens of dreams waiting to be fulfilled. and just now that i realized, how a huge part of her was given in exchange for a better us-- ng walang halong pagsusumbat, walang halong paghingi ng kapalit. pero as a child, among ginagawa ko? minsan nasasagot ko pa sya, minsan hindi ko pa sya sinusunod, minsan hindi ko pa sya kinikibo. Then i come to this realization that i failed as a child. and never gave her the appreciation and love she deserved. Sadly, her deeds and works and her love was seen underrated.

I came across this Nido commercial in youtube.com and hindi ko napigilan maiyak. Ang simple. payak. pero tumagos sa puso ko. naalala ko ang mga kalyo sa kamay nya, ang mga bitak sa paa nya, na hindi nya kahit kelan sinumbat n dahil sa amin at minsan huhusgahan pa natin na "hindi mo kasi ako naiintindihan". Pero sa totoo, intinding intindi nya tayo, damang dama nya ang lahat ng luha natin. Nung minsan n may exam ako sa medschool pero may group work kami n walang gumagawa, umiiyak ako sa kanya sabi ko, "ang daya naman, yung mga kagrupo ko nagaaral na ngayon ako, eto, ginagawa ko pa din to, gabi na, wala na akong oras magaral", niyakap lang nya ako sabi nya sakin "kung pupwede ko lang gawin na magaral para sayo, ginawa ko na.. " lalo lang ako naiyak. 

This Nido commercial really hit me hard. i am not doing my best as a child

here it is:

sometimes we children are superficial. Ang nakikita lang natin yung sermon, yung utos, ung sigaw. hindi natin napapansin yung yakap, yung iyak, yung sakripisyo. We never realized these are all for own good. mothers know best. 

I wish i knew better, i wish i care more. i wish i could turn back time.

sorry for all the pain i have caused you

To my mom, i Love you. happy mother's day